DISCLAIMER: No phone/e-mail messages of encouragement are necessary. This is not a plea for sympathy. I do realize what a very nice, comfortable life I have. :)
So, I'm feeling like "Blog World" is a really happy place where people mostly post about what wonderful husbands, children, wards, neighbors, etc. they have. I've been down on blogging a bit lately because I feel like I haven't belonged. This is not to say that I don't have a wonderful husband, child, etc. but every day is by no means perfect. Some days, (they seem more often lately) I am in a bit of a funk. I knew when I chose to be a parent that my life would no longer be my own, and I willingly accept that challenge. I'm just having a hard time finding balance in my life, and better yet, being content even when I can't.
I sat down at the R.S. General broadcast just moments before it started. (It was a MIRACLE that I made it on time.) It was the first moment since 5:30 AM that I had actually sat down, and didn't have something with me to be working on. Honestly, I was a little resentful that I had to give up my Saturday night because I could picture the MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded (6 or 7 huge loads,) the yucky bathrooms that needed to be cleaned, and the sharing time for the next day that I had barely started to plan. I turned around and said "HI" to two very good friends on the row behind me. I complained for a minute about what a "work-day" I had had, and how precious my Saturdays and Saturday nights are to me, and how it is my only time off during the week. They nodded knowingly. Then a first-year wife/girl who clearly didn't know that I have a baby, sitting two away from me mumbled, "You're lucky. I'm a Mom and I don't get ANY days off." Oh wow. I had no response, but my friend behind me flashed a dirty look at her and the meeting was beginning. I felt my ears get a little hot, but then I saw the chorister for the broadcast (with her huge eyes) and how enthusiastically she was dancing around as she conducted, and I giggled. The meeting was a good one, but the overwhelming message was that the women of the church need to do more, need to "excel." I needed to hear, "You're doing a good job. Hang in there. Thank you for all you do."
So I'm not discounting being a stay-home Mom. I want MORE THAN ANYTHING to be a stay-home mom, and will be soon. I'm not saying that it isn't hard work to be home. I think it is some of the most emotionally challenging work to be a parent. It's just that for me, staying home will be a retirement of sorts, and will make my life significantly less complicated. I get a little offended when women think their lives are so difficult because they stay home with their kids...with no boss...or time-card...or deadlines...or meetings...or office politics. Shall I go on?? No need. Anyway, I'm sorry for this complainer. I needed to get this off my chest.
The only good I can find in a hard week and weekend is that it makes the good ones oh-so-good. I'm looking forward to one of those in the near future. I think Conference Weekend might be just the ticket...
3 comments:
Kath--I am happy you could vent via the blog :) I think we all have those days/weeks/months when we feel like we are overexerting ourselves and simply need someone to tell us it is enough and appreciated. That any ounce we give has helped in some way. I know your baby and your husband and your family and your friends and your boss and your primary children all feel that even if they don't say it. Here's to the great weekend you're in need of!
I'm glad you wrote this post as well. I didn't make it to Women's Conference (oops), but I think you are right...at some point we just need to realize that our best is good enough.
Hang in there--you're great and "this too shall pass." It's good to remember how a thoughtless comment can be hurtful--I can use the reminder to be careful what I say. XOXOXO
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